GIRLS, DREAMS AND REALITY

The title may seem pretentious and even condescending maybe. But this is the first title that came to my mind when I sat down to write. During a recent workshop for girls from the lower income strata, I had the most invigorating and illuminating interaction.  These girls had the clarity of thought that would put any of us to shame. Their dreams, their aspirations, their ambitions were as steeped in reality as they were. Listening to them share their ideas, I was left wondering why we ignore them so much? Do these young shoulders really need to carry the weight of the society, its ill-conceived norms, biased traditions, and subjugating values?

Beti bachao, beti padhao is the mantra brought to prominence by our present government. And I absolutely am for it. Fortunately, we have enough women in the current generation who have achieved amazing results for them to become our role models. They have broken through the traditional barricades to reach new heights. Be it sports or academics or corporate or even the defence forces, girls have scaled unthinkable limits. So, why are we still so apprehensive about letting them go and explore the world? Or is it that we fear them? After generations and generations of subjugation and repression, maybe we are scared they might come back with full gusto, overwhelming the current male-dominated generation which is enjoying its borrowed time under the sun? Or maybe somewhere deep down in our hearts we know that they are good – intelligent, smart, hardworking, ambitious – and don’t know how to deal with competition of such magnitude.

Maybe it’s this insecurity which is gnawing us within which is making us all the more aggressive and regressive as a society. We are trying our very best to keep the young girls from escaping from the age-old shackles in the name of traditions. Maybe we are feeling so threatened by their optimism that we are behaving more and more like animals, fiercely protecting our turfs, our manhood. If only we had the sense to understand that our manhood is not restricted to the physical appendages but to the way we think. Just like these women, who celebrate being a woman not because of their physical attributes but because of the way they think.

For us to feel liberated and emancipated, we need to first think of these girls as human beings. Give them a well-deserved chance to soar. Allow them to move freely without the chains of traditions and culture. And, then step back and watch them conquer the world. There cannot be a greater service to the mankind.  

Time to Think

I have been feeling very disturbed the last couple of days and I really don’t know why. I tried thinking about it but every time I would zero in into a cause, it didn’t make me feel any better. So I tried to go through as many reasons as possible to figure out the reason for my unrest. Then it slowly dawned on me. It was not a single reason or reasons. It was the generally apathy and stupidity which I had to endure daily when reading the sensational headlines. I have to read the morning newspaper in the morning daily or my day doesn’t start. And what do our front pages offer? After turning over two or three pages of full scape advertisements for luxury apartments or phones or online shopping festivals or even grocery shopping, when I do finally reach the “first” page of the news, it shows some silly headlines. I mean how does one start off the day on such a note? I really want to ask my other newspaper reading friends does this bother them too or have they too become immune to such things?

Gau rakshaks, social vigilantes, farmers. The list of well-meaning citizens is endless. To get what they want they resort to senseless and often unnecessary violence, all in the name of asking for what is their right. Right? No. No farmer in his right mind would ever think of destroying his produce. It’s the result of his hard work and sweat. It’s not easy money. So when I watched pictures of cans of milk being spilled by smiling, camera-friendly “farmers”, I just couldn’t get it. Trucks filled with farm produce getting spoilt waiting for reach the markets could have been sent to some of the remote areas where children are dying of hunger. Wouldn’t they have then made a point, a very strong point, with the unfeeling government? That they, the farmers, are the providers, nurturers, and their grievances should be given a fair hearing. What one doesn’t do for keeping the chair! Sad!!   

We seem to have developed a taste for witch hunting of late. And the favourite is the Army. Any Tom, Dick and Harry can pass a judgemental comment from the confines of his or her air-conditioned accommodation. But to understand why they do what they do, one has to be there. The human shield became a big issue. Wonderful, you well informed citizens. But why didn’t you speak out when the trouble makers used women and children as shields and fired from safe confines of some of the houses? Oh you couldn’t because they would’ve come and shot you in your homes. I feel bad for the Army, the CRPF, and for each one them wearing the uniform. They didn’t sign up for this. It’s because of them, their courage and sacrifices that today YOU are able to safely type away on your iPhone and macPros. They should make military service compulsory for every healthy citizen. Our powers to be will be the first to object. They will use their wily brains to wriggle out of it. Their baba log will have every health problem that is possible to stay out of the uniform. And then they will say – Army kuch nahi kar raha hai! Ha, patriots!!

Oh and how can I forget my dear gau rakshaks, the new sword wielding protectors of the holy cow. Thank god my grandparents sold off the cows they had at their house or god knows what all they would have had to do to prove that they are good caretakers. It’s total nonsense I tell you. If they are so worried about these cows then do something for them. Build them shelters, educate and train people. But then all this takes effort and more importantly is neither financially profitable nor will get them their two seconds of fame. Cows have always been holy to the Hindus. I don’t understand this new fanaticism. If they really want to lynch and kill then do it to all those rapists who do not think twice about their victim, age is certainly no bar for them. Kick them, castrate them, hang them. Do anything and the citizens of the country will thank you. If a holy cow can invoke such passions then why don’t they feel the same way when something happens to the women? Are they on an even lower social stratum then these animals? Instead of concentrating on banning beef eating and cow slaughter, maybe we should first deal with the real threats to the society. Totally misplaced priorities. Very sad state of affairs.

I know it reads like the ranting of another cynical Indian. Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. I don’t know. All I know is it’s the voice of my frustration, my inability to do anything. One can fight anything but not something as abstract as non-existent IQs and nationally acceptable apathy. My humble request to the occupants of the fourth estate – the next time you are covering any incident, please brush up on your adjectives. We have had one too many “gruesome, horrifying, chilling” news to deal with.  

      

Boys Don't Cry ... Really??

  

The other day while watching TV, I saw the ending of an ad where the once-upon-a-time big-screen diva Madhuri Dixit was saying something about boys don't make others cry. As I had not seen the complete ad, this little teaser intrigued me and I wanted to see the whole of it. I sat in front of the idiot box, like an idiot, waiting for the ad to reappear.  It was sometime before I was able to break free from its hypnotic grasp and think. Heck! I could search for it online! God, never felt so dumb! But I guess I have many who understand the power TV has on many of the powerless zombies like us. Anyways, back to the issue at hand. So I searched online and found the ad I was looking for. It was a beautiful concept created  into a thought provoking ad by Vinil Mathews. 

The beauty of the ad was in its simplicity. It addressed such a basic prejudice we all are conditioned to accept as 'normal'. Gender stereotyping. Boys are the stronger sex, hence cannot cry. We have grown up listening to that reaction so many times that unconsciously we too say it, even without realising it. In this ad Madhuri says it, so I'm hoping many more men would have at least heard her out. Boys don't make other cry. Really? I would love to believe it myself. 

Our social conditioning and gender stereotyping is so, so deeply entrenched in our psych that we look upon the men, or to be politically right the males, as the stronger sex. In India, mothers dote on their sons because they carry the family name forward, thus keeping the lineage going. Fathers adulate their sons, irrespective of their capability, talent or character, because now they, the fathers, are assured a place in heaven as they have a son to light their pyre. Sisters are made to keep in mind that it's the brother who calls the shots, so keeping him happy has its perks. Wives, well, the lesser said the better, after all he is the 'pati-parmeshwar'. So in short, each one in the family treats him as an irreplaceable asset, almost a Demi-God status. So what happens when you get so much attention? Well, you learn to take all this for granted; you treat everyone around you as menials, whose duty is to serve you. 

Growing up on this staple diet of confused and convoluted thinking can distort ones attitude towards the other sex. The scene of the husband abusing his wife is not fake or unreal. That's the real ugly truth. He doesn't give a damn to what she feels. He's right in his thinking because that's what he's learnt from the time he was in his mother's lap. So the suggestion made by the ad is very correct, and required. For the men to be made more sensitive towards the others, they have to be made to feel that the others too are equally important. Be it socially, within the family, at the workplace, or anywhere. Other people, not only the women but also other men, are as human as they are. They too feel pain, hurt, denial, humiliation, anger, frustration. Once these men understand that they are not the focal point of everyone's universe, they will better understand the others. And this can be done only, and only, if they are told about this right from the time they are born. Treating them as just another family member, another sibling, another child, will make them truly belong to the family, and not as the poster boy for the family. 

#StartWithTheBoys is  fantastic initiative which is the need of the hour. With the increased cases of rapes, it only brings to forth the glaring reality of our skewed stereotyping of the genders. For women to be treated as human beings and not a non-entity, it is important boys be made more gender sensitive. A tall order given that centuries of social conditioning has now become an accepted norm, especially in the Indian context. But a start has to be made, and it has started. Let's be part of this change. 

PK

Went to see the latest Aamir Khan movie 'PK'. As usual it was good. I mean when I say good, I don't just mean it as a package but in how such a sensitive subject has been dealt with. Of late when I go to watch an Aamir Khan movie I go with expectations of having my comfort zone shaken.  I've been forced to look at 'things' from a perspective which is very obvious yet not palatable to the average mind. PK has once again made us all rethink about something's which we all in our deep subconscious know as a 'wrong', yet most of us would not touch it with a pole. Even with people with whom we profess to be honest, we discuss such issues cautiously lest we disturb their sensibilities. 

PK is a movie about an alien who gets stuck in our blue planet because his first encounter happens to be with a small time thief who makes a quick getaway after robbing this naive alien of his remote. The whole movie is thereon about this alien's attempts to get back his remote so he can go back. Cute storyline, I thought. Ok, they could have done away with, or cut down, the rantings of Anushka Sharma in flowery summer dresses, showing off her svelte figure, in the cold climes of Belgium. But then I guess, "the script demands it". After all they need to have something for the non-thinkers too. Anyways no complaints there though I confess Sushant Singh Rajput looked pleasing in the sleeveless sweater. 

Back to PK. Though the initial attempts of PK to retrieve his remote looked hilarious, it also made me think. There were many instances when his simple observations force you to not only think but also admit about their correctness. Finally I would feel the cogs of my under-used grey cells trying to turn, much against their will. Like when in one simple sentence he conveys the importance we give to clothes when he points out that it's the crow which would appear out of place if it dressed up in a necktie since it's a not a natural thing for it to do. Or when he gets a few people to dress up in dresses which identify them to a particular religious group irrespective of what their personal beliefs. Yes of course it's so true. I mean isn't this what our subconscious has been conditioned to think like over the years? A guy in Pathan suit has to be a Muslim, a Sikh has to have a pagdi, etc. Whether we admit it or not, we've all indulged in this kind of stereotyping many times in the course of our social interactions. 

PK tries to approach as many gods as possible in his attempts to retrieve his stolen property. But every time he asks for assistance, our God fearing brethren tell him that only God can help him out. I could feel his helplessness and anguish when he speaks to the unfinished idols of Durga. His confusion is so genuine.  I mean what are we, the normal regular people, supposed to do when dealing with such states of helplessness? His remote is symbolic of our own problems. It could be anything; uncontrollable situations or circumstances going out of our hands and spiralling into unwelcome directions, or unfulfilled, untenable goals or ambitions. I don't know, it could be just about anything which we desire so badly that we want to get it by any means. And that makes us desperate. And that desperation makes us so vulnerable that our otherwise logical mental faculties just stop operating and we decide to seek interventions.  Really? Does it help? I don't know that but what I know is that it provides us with some kind of excuse to look for comfort, like knowing someone's there watching over us. 

PK very aptly calls these overseers 'managers', I mean after all they do manage our affairs once in their hands. PK's inferences and comparisons may sound childish and naive but the logic doesn't fail. I couldn't help but agree when he says that our minds have been so absolutely conditioned to give in to these managers that we unconsciously act the way they want us to, not how we actually should/would. Jaggu leaving the church just before her wedding after reading a letter is a perfect example of how even the educated are remote controlled by social conditioning. Of course the whole scene was very filmy et al but one can't ignore what's been said so loudly. 

Why all this hullabaloo about this movie? Damaging theatres, tearing down posters, filing court cases. What's it all for? Excuse me gentlemen, if you can take a well earned popcorn break (all these activities are strenuous and can burn a lot of cals as well!), I would like to ask you what exactly offended you to go so aggressively against the movie? PK never said anything about God or any religion. He didn't like the managers. That's it. Assuming the managers maybe paying for all these activities but then it's their job. They thrive because they work on the weak minds of desperate people who want to get results which they are not meant to get. In India at least there's no dearth of such managers because there's no dearth of God fearing people. With more media coverage and exposure, one expects people to be more cautious of such pseuds, but daily we get to see more and more of how these Godmen are exploiting the masses while they live in unbelievable luxury. Bottom line, even education doesn't help since many 'educated' people also fall for such fakes.  After all who can resist a shortcut to guaranteed results?  

The basic premise of the movie is that we don't need managers to speak to our God because somehow the whole conversation between our God and us gets lost in transit when we speak through the managers. And in the bargain, the managers gain control of our minds and by extension, our lives. I absolutely agree with this whole thing. What happens between my God and me is personal. If I can't get my God to understand what I'm saying, then how can anyone else, who doesn't even know me well enough, get through to him and get my job done. It sounds so demeaning to the whole spiritual experience. Maybe that's why I no longer feel like visiting temples. 

Each of us as individuals has a mind of our own. Each of our minds is an individual in itself. It thinks like no other. Has views and opinions of its own. It's a medium of expression of our deepest thoughts. So why get so aggressive and agitative? If the views expressed don't suit you, don't watch the movie. It's that simple. But please don't ask people to stop thinking. Or worse still, don't ask them to think like you want to. That's death knell to many. Personally, I give a total thumbs up to the movie, the content and the acting. As far as the concept is concerned, well it's beyond such trivial things as star ratings. I think it's life altering. 

A Historical Legacy

Are we ashamed of our history or is it that we are just too indifferent to what is not directly affecting us? This question comes to my mind more often these days when I am teaching my children history. We as a family love travelling and have tried to go to as many places as possible, by road, rail or any other means available. Its always been fun (though it didn't seem like that sometimes!), educating and more importantly helped create memories. During some of these visits, we have gone to some historical sites and places. My husband and me would get the girls to read up on the place or the famous personality from there to help connect better to what we were going to see. We thought it was a fun and much more effective way of teaching them about our rich cultural and historical past. But I would always end up depressed at the end of the trip.

The reason, or reasons, for the sadness would always be the same. If you have visited any of our historical monuments or sites, you would know what I am talking about. The defaced walls, mutilated facades, deteriorating works everything screams for some attention and care. The hordes visiting them are just 'visiting' them, they do not feel for the place. Hawkers set up stall in every conceivable place possible. All the illusions about having a large portion of our population starving goes out of the window (broken or damaged, albeit) when you see piles of empty packets of Lays and Kurkure lying around. Let's not forget the empty water bottles too! The guides are most of the time clueless, just rattling out the details which they have been memorising from the first day at work. They wouldn't know the difference between a Mughal emperor and a Nawab. So instead of trying to educate the children about the historical significance of the place or getting them to experience the place, we end up trying to teach them the do's and don'ts when going out, the social responsibility of each of us to keep the place up. So are they wrong when the only thing that comes to their minds when we talk about a place we visited is how unkempt it was or how someone was defecating in the famous gardens while the security staff and others were standing near the chai-walla enjoying the hot tea and gossip?

Why don't we feel any kind of pride when we go to such places? Are we ashamed of our history? Why can't people be a little more careful and sensitive when visiting such places? Yes, I agree, there are a lot of things I am not proud of from our history. But that's my perspective. What's more important is that all this has already happened and is a part of us whether we like it or not. so why not just accept it and enjoy the good parts of it. Maybe Aamir Khan should be asked to conduct classes on TV as part of his job as brand ambassador for tourism in India. Our children will grow up as proud citizens of India only if they can see around them edifices of glory, bravery, ingenuity, grandeur and honour being respected for what they are. Maybe..maybe tomorrow will be a better day for these mute witnesses of our proud past!