Love Today

It’s a day after Valentines and one can still feel the lingering presence of love in the air. Love, which in our daily lives we ignore for want of time but feel the overwhelming need to express in the most clichéd style on this one day. Love, which is thought to be the most pure and selfless form of human expression, is quantified and measured with the worthless baubles and gifts one receives. Love is no longer personal but has to be a public display with lots of pictures on the various social media handles. Is this love? I don’t know.

In one of the dailies yesterday, there was an article about an elderly couple who have been together for nearly 50 years. Unimaginable in the present situation, right? Well that’s how it was all these years for the earlier generations. It was all about getting along and making the necessary adjustments. Imagine our young couples doing that? Totally not happening!

For me the most romantic couple would be my maternal grandparents, my nana-nani. It will be difficult for me to be impartial because I simply adore them but believe me, it is not undeserved. A quintessential English “bhadralok” brought up during the British raj in an affluent family, he had the luxury of going abroad for his studies and then landing a good job once back. His only requirement for his marriage was that his future wife be English literate. So, steps in my grandmother. Her 4 feet some inches diminutive figure took up the challenge and wrote a letter to my grandfather in English, after months of struggling with the language. They would have completed 70 glorious years next year had he not passed away last month, leaving my grandmother heartbroken.

Their romance is legendary in the family. He indulged her in every way he could – shopping, movies, jewelry, etc. etc. but he also pushed her to get out of her comfort zone. She could discuss anything, from politics to movies to books, because he insisted she know about the world; and she reciprocated by becoming a keen learner. She didn’t have to. Ladies in those times were restricted to managing the household and children. But she did. Even till recently they would sit outside in the verandah, reading newspapers together and discussing the current affairs.  She, in turn, made him more “desi”, that’s what he used to say! At the dining table, it was customary for them to share the last chapatti and jam, a dessert. Can it get any sweeter? It’s always been like this for as long as my memories go. But it had been like this even before me, I’m told.

Cut to the present day. A dear friend proposed marriage to my niece and she, after giving it some thought, turned it down. Reason – it was not working out!?! It’s marriage one is talking about, not some business contract. They had many reasons for not going ahead, starting from financial arrangements to location to individual careers and many more. What happened to a “lifetime together” and “making it work”? Well this is how it is, love for the millennials. They don’t have time or patience to understanding the basic need to adjust, accommodate or compromise to make any relationship work. I don’t think I ever can understand this whole thing.

So, what about love and romance? I am still old school and totally believe in it, minus the chocolates and roses of course. It still exists but out there, it’s a sad state of affairs, no pun intended!

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Thank God It's Monday!

Thank god its Monday – TGIM! I so look forward to the beginning of the weekdays, the regular working days, that its almost criminal. My kids refuse to look at my glowing face on the Monday mornings when they are all groggy and could do with a few more minutes of the shut-eye. And there is the mother sounding so chirpy and happy about it being a bright morning and with hopes of it transforming into a great day! I know gives you a sense of déjà vu, doesn’t it?

Well after a back breaking and hectic weekend, which just happened to zip past in the most breathless pace, I’m sure I deserve a peaceful, Zen-like time to myself. Of course, it can’t be that peaceful what with the occasional interruptions from the raucous ringing of the doorbell. The maid, dhobi, maali, pav-wala, each has to make their presence felt. And I can’t ignore them, they are after all the life support of every housewife. All jobs done. Now to settle down with Sunday Hindu newspaper and a cup of hot green tea with lemon and honey. Perfect! But where the hell is the newspaper? I spent some time looking for it in all the regular locations and then it struck me…my husband was busy clearing the basket with all the old newspapers; and I’m sure having finished reading it, he had kept the said newspaper away too. There goes phut the bubble of paradise. Now I know why I’m so stressed out on Sundays.

Sundays are cleaning days in the house, a ritual religiously followed by my husband. Like a true-blue Virgo, cleaning and organizing are the air he breathes, much to the discomfort of all the other regular-born family members. Even I am a very organized person and like to keep my things in their place. But I’m ok if I find my pen stand on the right-hand side of the desk instead on the usual left side, or if the books are stacked up on the study table instead of the bookshelf next to it. And the children, those poor disorganized angels who derive absolute joy on finding anything in the first go in their room, their weekend turns to nightmare at the very thought. He’s a man possessed when he’s getting them to clean the room.

So, going back to the reason why I’m so stressed out during the weekends is because I play the negotiator, the peacemaker, the arbitrator – call me anything but it all means the same. I am the one who gets caught in the crossfire between the two warring sides. Neither side is ready to compromise on their standards. The father wants a spic-and-span “cabin cupboard” (a terminology used often in my house by my ex-Navy husband!) and the children want things to be “arranged” in such a manner that they can locate it in future without shouting out to the mother for emergency assistance. After an hour or so of shouting, arguing and angry outbursts, this exercise finally gets washed away with crying, howling and sobbing by the girls. Thus, ends the weekly exercise and then I play the pacifier. Sometimes I feel like an acrobat, balancing my sanity and my household.

After this narrative, I’m sure you agree why the Monday mornings are most sought after. Now for that cup of hot tea!  

Happiness At Your Tips

1. Jumpstart your Day!

Your attitude when you wake up sets the tone for the day. So start your day with a smile and a happy heart. Mornings are best if you want to do some exercising. 30 to 40 minutes are enough to elevate your mood and make you feel better. This should be an absolute must-do on our daily schedule. After all the excessive indulgence of food and drinks and fast-paced lifestyle, exercising will lead you to be more conscious about your body. Exercising need not be restricted to the high-end gyms with the expensive personal trainers. It need not be a HIIT circuit or running a marathon. It could be anything that you enjoy which would make you sweat it out. A yoga session, a game of badminton or tennis, a few laps in the swimming pool, a run around the playground. Anything but something meaningful, something focused, with honesty. The only person reaping the benefits is yourself. Our lifestyles don’t allow the luxury of time to indulge in “me-time”. Let’s not use that as an excuse. If we can make time to sit and relax before the TV, watching senseless, mind numbing programs being repeated in different formats in different channels, I’m sure we can manage a few minutes to do something more useful for our own self. The changes will not be restricted to just the physical but will also extend to our mental health. We will begin to feel nice about ourselves. Our posture improves as we walk tall, indirectly impressing everyone with our growing confidence. The calmness of the mind reflects on the face. All this happens because we decided to love ourselves and spend some quality time on nurturing our weary body, heart and mind.    

2. Food for Thought

While some people live to eat and others eat to live. Neither of the options is a healthy one. Enjoying eating and trying out new things is a passion incomparable. But that doesn’t mean we have to gorge on unhealthy food right from the time we wake up. It’s important to understand food and make the necessary changes towards a healthy balance. Skipping breakfast is an absolute NO. On the contrary; breakfast is and should become the most important meal of the day. Various studies have time and again proved that breakfast should not be avoided. It’s the first meal of the day, after a long gap during the night. A balanced breakfast provides the body with the much-needed energy to start off the day. A well-fed stomach will prevent distraction because of hunger pangs when you should instead be concentrating on work. The type of food we eat also affects our mood; like rich heavy food makes us sluggish and dull. Instead on gorging on oily burgers or chole-bature during the delayed lunch break, develop a habit of having small meals at regular intervals. This way your stomach is always full, and you don’t have to stuff yourself because you are starving. Include healthier options like salads and yogurts. Avoid bakery products which are full of white flour and sugar. Small changes can slowly but surely bring about big differences in our lives.  

3. Don’t be shy. Be heard

It’s nice to express your opinion or thoughts, and not keep them to yourself at all times. There’s a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive needs you to be confident of what you are thinking, of knowing what is correct and what is suitable for the situation, of being in tune with the requirements and feelings of the others around. The person who is aggressive would be operating with only himself or herself in mind. This kind of attitude certainly doesn’t help in building a strong team or fostering team spirit. In a team, everyone matters. So speak up. Your thought counts. People who tend to keep to themselves, seldom speaking out, get ignored and gradually fade into oblivion. This leads to isolation, both social and emotional. These people are more susceptible to suffering from depression or low self-esteem. So, first step to feeling better is to talk; talk to your family, your peers, friends and colleagues. Whenever possible, step up and contribute to the discussion, express your ideas doesn’t matter how weird or funny or irrelevant you think they are. Let people notice you. Being heard makes one feel more important and increases our self-worth.

4. Enrich your Life by investing in Experiences

There’s no escaping the realities of life – the mad rat-race, to come out on the top. But is it all you want to do with your life? I mean when you encapsulate your life, it should not be restricted to just going to work and back. Travel, see new places, explore the lesser known. There’s so much to see and explore that even a lifetime dedicated to it is not enough. Studies have shown that travelling is one of most favoured forms of destressing and always ensures a sense of satisfaction. Choose your style. Or pick up a hobby you have been wanting to learn for some time. Join some classes – baking, painting, dramatics, languages. Don’t restrict yourself to the same old rut. Invest time in yourself. It’s the best form of investment, with assured high returns in the form of happiness and contentment. Every time you look back, it’s bound to bring a smile to face. Material acquisitions bring temporary happiness and have a shelf life, which lasts as long as their requirement exists. So, don’t be miser when investing in experiences. Surround yourself with happy memories like photographs and memorabilia from various trips or celebrations, or of your family and friends. It will never fail to bring a smile to your face. Happiness depends on small things, if only we knew where to look.

5.  Let the Challenges test you and make you Stronger

One who said life was a walk in the park, has either never lived or hasn’t been born. Life is all about challenges - big, small, beautiful, horrible, enriching, depressing, learning, unlearning. In short it is full of experiences. And it is these experiences that make us who we are. Challenges are seldom easy and often test you. The only choice you have is to face them. Running away does not make them disappear; they just become more daunting and overwhelming, waiting to devour you. So the simplest thing to do is to first accept it and then work towards resolving it. Procrastinating or ignoring it magnifies the challenges at hand. This leads to unnecessary building up of anxiety and stress. Work on the problems. What needs to be done, how to go about it, when to start work on it, etc. - all these questions require your attention. Making a list always helps organise your work and also makes it look doable. Prioritise the jobs for better results. Find out what calms you – many agree that listening to music is therapeutic. Try it. Maybe listening to your favourite tunes will make the work more enjoyable, and assist you in completing a task that was otherwise a dreary challenge. Look at it as a path to rediscovering yourself, learning more about who you are and what you are capable of.     

6. Be Grateful.

Feeling grateful is the first step towards becoming a better person. We need to understand that we do not work in isolation. There are many seen/unseen people assisting us as we go through our day. So often we tend to take things for granted and notice them only in their absence. Being grateful makes us more humble and empathetic. One is better able to appreciate others and look beyond ourselves. Our daily lives are structured and moulded to make us the centre, self-involved and selfish people, with little time for anyone or anything else. And time is off premium value. In these circumstances learning to be grateful is important. It is not only the acknowledgement of the contribution of others in our lives but also creating an awareness about our surroundings. Start off with simple changes like smiling more often, being nice to people you meet, greeting them with a positive vibe, using those magic words we all learnt at school, saying thank you and please generously, and most importantly being grateful. There’s enough anger and negativity without you trying to add to it. So try sincerely. You will notice the wonderful results soon enough, encouraging not just you but others, those who have benefitted from your benevolence, bringing forth more such changes.   

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