Many Roles In One Lifetime

How do you describe the roles you play but by the many relationships you have? I mean you are someone in every interaction. You play a parent to your child, a wife to your husband, a daughter to your parents, a teacher to your students, a customer to your vendor, a client to the manager. There is never a moment in your life when you aren’t playing a role. But what defines you as a person are the roles that are important to you.

As a woman, role-playing comes easily to us. As a mother, the role gets further refined by the many jobs one handles -  coach, cook, chauffer, teacher, medical assistant, friend, guide, philosopher, mentor and much, much more. One changes from one role to another like a chameleon – the external appearance changes but the basics remain the same. Sometimes the change is smooth and the transition effortless. But sometimes, the changes need much more than just one’s participation.

While in school and college, I remained a student – free of responsibility, totally self-involved, short-sighted about life and the world at large. Once I stepped over the line which marked the transition from student to professional, the magnitude of the roles being played increased both in scope and intensity.

As a teacher for the primary classes, I realized I was more than just a teacher in the class. The waist-high students, all hungry to grow up and emulate an adult, were watching my every move. I was being evaluated, in their subconscious, to see if I was a good role model. It was a big responsibility. The expectations of this role were high and that meant I needed to re-examine my own self.

The day I donned the uniform for the first time, I realized my role as a Naval officer went beyond the pristine whites I wore. It was the symbol of our nation’s pride and strength. I no longer was a young carefree woman who could do what she wanted without giving a thought to what the world thought about it. Now I was responsible to the nation. I had hundreds of young girls looking up at me as their role model. And I couldn’t just shrug it off. This role was challenging as well as exciting.

The role which has been the most exacting yet enjoyable was the one I started playing when my first born arrived. My world spun in an unknown orbit and I was absolutely clueless. I had to learn from the moment I first laid my eyes on her, and believe me, I am still learning.

Life is dynamic and that’s the beauty of it. With every change that it brings, it ushers in a new role for us. And the joy of this new role is that you learn something new about yourself. I’m waiting to see what is the next role I get to play.  

Happiness At Your Tips

1. Jumpstart your Day!

Your attitude when you wake up sets the tone for the day. So start your day with a smile and a happy heart. Mornings are best if you want to do some exercising. 30 to 40 minutes are enough to elevate your mood and make you feel better. This should be an absolute must-do on our daily schedule. After all the excessive indulgence of food and drinks and fast-paced lifestyle, exercising will lead you to be more conscious about your body. Exercising need not be restricted to the high-end gyms with the expensive personal trainers. It need not be a HIIT circuit or running a marathon. It could be anything that you enjoy which would make you sweat it out. A yoga session, a game of badminton or tennis, a few laps in the swimming pool, a run around the playground. Anything but something meaningful, something focused, with honesty. The only person reaping the benefits is yourself. Our lifestyles don’t allow the luxury of time to indulge in “me-time”. Let’s not use that as an excuse. If we can make time to sit and relax before the TV, watching senseless, mind numbing programs being repeated in different formats in different channels, I’m sure we can manage a few minutes to do something more useful for our own self. The changes will not be restricted to just the physical but will also extend to our mental health. We will begin to feel nice about ourselves. Our posture improves as we walk tall, indirectly impressing everyone with our growing confidence. The calmness of the mind reflects on the face. All this happens because we decided to love ourselves and spend some quality time on nurturing our weary body, heart and mind.    

2. Food for Thought

While some people live to eat and others eat to live. Neither of the options is a healthy one. Enjoying eating and trying out new things is a passion incomparable. But that doesn’t mean we have to gorge on unhealthy food right from the time we wake up. It’s important to understand food and make the necessary changes towards a healthy balance. Skipping breakfast is an absolute NO. On the contrary; breakfast is and should become the most important meal of the day. Various studies have time and again proved that breakfast should not be avoided. It’s the first meal of the day, after a long gap during the night. A balanced breakfast provides the body with the much-needed energy to start off the day. A well-fed stomach will prevent distraction because of hunger pangs when you should instead be concentrating on work. The type of food we eat also affects our mood; like rich heavy food makes us sluggish and dull. Instead on gorging on oily burgers or chole-bature during the delayed lunch break, develop a habit of having small meals at regular intervals. This way your stomach is always full, and you don’t have to stuff yourself because you are starving. Include healthier options like salads and yogurts. Avoid bakery products which are full of white flour and sugar. Small changes can slowly but surely bring about big differences in our lives.  

3. Don’t be shy. Be heard

It’s nice to express your opinion or thoughts, and not keep them to yourself at all times. There’s a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive needs you to be confident of what you are thinking, of knowing what is correct and what is suitable for the situation, of being in tune with the requirements and feelings of the others around. The person who is aggressive would be operating with only himself or herself in mind. This kind of attitude certainly doesn’t help in building a strong team or fostering team spirit. In a team, everyone matters. So speak up. Your thought counts. People who tend to keep to themselves, seldom speaking out, get ignored and gradually fade into oblivion. This leads to isolation, both social and emotional. These people are more susceptible to suffering from depression or low self-esteem. So, first step to feeling better is to talk; talk to your family, your peers, friends and colleagues. Whenever possible, step up and contribute to the discussion, express your ideas doesn’t matter how weird or funny or irrelevant you think they are. Let people notice you. Being heard makes one feel more important and increases our self-worth.

4. Enrich your Life by investing in Experiences

There’s no escaping the realities of life – the mad rat-race, to come out on the top. But is it all you want to do with your life? I mean when you encapsulate your life, it should not be restricted to just going to work and back. Travel, see new places, explore the lesser known. There’s so much to see and explore that even a lifetime dedicated to it is not enough. Studies have shown that travelling is one of most favoured forms of destressing and always ensures a sense of satisfaction. Choose your style. Or pick up a hobby you have been wanting to learn for some time. Join some classes – baking, painting, dramatics, languages. Don’t restrict yourself to the same old rut. Invest time in yourself. It’s the best form of investment, with assured high returns in the form of happiness and contentment. Every time you look back, it’s bound to bring a smile to face. Material acquisitions bring temporary happiness and have a shelf life, which lasts as long as their requirement exists. So, don’t be miser when investing in experiences. Surround yourself with happy memories like photographs and memorabilia from various trips or celebrations, or of your family and friends. It will never fail to bring a smile to your face. Happiness depends on small things, if only we knew where to look.

5.  Let the Challenges test you and make you Stronger

One who said life was a walk in the park, has either never lived or hasn’t been born. Life is all about challenges - big, small, beautiful, horrible, enriching, depressing, learning, unlearning. In short it is full of experiences. And it is these experiences that make us who we are. Challenges are seldom easy and often test you. The only choice you have is to face them. Running away does not make them disappear; they just become more daunting and overwhelming, waiting to devour you. So the simplest thing to do is to first accept it and then work towards resolving it. Procrastinating or ignoring it magnifies the challenges at hand. This leads to unnecessary building up of anxiety and stress. Work on the problems. What needs to be done, how to go about it, when to start work on it, etc. - all these questions require your attention. Making a list always helps organise your work and also makes it look doable. Prioritise the jobs for better results. Find out what calms you – many agree that listening to music is therapeutic. Try it. Maybe listening to your favourite tunes will make the work more enjoyable, and assist you in completing a task that was otherwise a dreary challenge. Look at it as a path to rediscovering yourself, learning more about who you are and what you are capable of.     

6. Be Grateful.

Feeling grateful is the first step towards becoming a better person. We need to understand that we do not work in isolation. There are many seen/unseen people assisting us as we go through our day. So often we tend to take things for granted and notice them only in their absence. Being grateful makes us more humble and empathetic. One is better able to appreciate others and look beyond ourselves. Our daily lives are structured and moulded to make us the centre, self-involved and selfish people, with little time for anyone or anything else. And time is off premium value. In these circumstances learning to be grateful is important. It is not only the acknowledgement of the contribution of others in our lives but also creating an awareness about our surroundings. Start off with simple changes like smiling more often, being nice to people you meet, greeting them with a positive vibe, using those magic words we all learnt at school, saying thank you and please generously, and most importantly being grateful. There’s enough anger and negativity without you trying to add to it. So try sincerely. You will notice the wonderful results soon enough, encouraging not just you but others, those who have benefitted from your benevolence, bringing forth more such changes.   

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Book Review of Lanka’s Princess by Kavita Kane

Book Review of Lanka’s Princess by Kavita Kane

The current breed of Indian writers is a brave lot. They are not scared of experimenting with the set-in-stone mythologies which have been part of our ‘cultural upbringing’ diet for generations. The Rama of Ramayana and Krishna of the Mahabharata have been humanised, making their follies look more acceptable; Ravana is no longer the blood thirsty brute nor are the Kauravas just power hungry brothers. Instead of just concentrating on these handful of central characters, a lot of writers have rewritten the mythologies from the view point of the women in these plots. This point of view is refreshingly contradistinct and forces the reader to look at the same oft-heard stories from a totally antithetic and colourful perspective.

I recently finished reading the Lanka’s Princess by Kavita Kane. It's Surpanakha's story, told from her frame of reference. Each of her family member is no longer set in the pre-set molds but is described by Meenakshi, or Meenu as she is fondly called. The events in the book unfold and we hear about the same mythological tales from someone who was instrumental in making the events happen. Mythology apart, the book also delves deeper and looks at the status of women in the society. The millennia were different but the circumstances and situations remain very much the same. Women were the pawns; marriages were for political reasons more than for love.

The most striking part of the book is the protagonist, or more suitably the anti-hero(ine). Meenakshi is not the quintessential beauty but it’s her strong personality which is her most alluring characteristic. She has a mind of her own; she’s opiniated, head strong, self-willed and extremely passionate. It’s this passion that leads to her subsequent downfall. She has her own fixed ideas of right and wrong, and refuses to see it any other way other than what suits her. Kavita has successfully created a character one would both love and hate at the same time. Meenakshi was rechristened Surpanakha by her mother Kaikesi, who detested her from the moment she was born, who saw her for what she was - an evil mind with a vitriolic tongue. Surpanakha’s only objective in life was to avenge the murder of her husband, Vidyujiva, even if it meant the annihilation of her family. Her hatred for Ravana far exceeded the love she felt for everyone put together. Her jealousy and hatred for him overshadowed every happy event in her otherwise ignored life. Her single minded dedication, patience (as she waited years for her plans to fructify) and commitment to see the destruction of Ravana and Lanka gives both the chills for the cold hearted execution and awe inspiring respect for the manner she single handledly  went about the whole operation. Anyone who crossed her path, or her, was in her cross hairs. This included Rama and Lakshmana for spurning her advances and mutilating her. Even after the decimation of her brothers and destruction of Lanka, she headed to Ayodhya to avenge her humiliation by the Dasarathputras. Here she met her match in Urmila, her wise wife of Lakshmana, who made her see the senselessness of her  pursuit of vengeance. Her advice to learn from her pains to better her life opened Surpanakha's mind to a more giving and embracing attitude which melted away her pain. The book ended in a more or less expected manner where she sees the mistakes she has made and accepts them, without blaming someone like she always did.

The narration was beautiful. Meandering through the stories we know, retaining their essence yet creating a whole new view point. It’s like seeing parts of the Ramayana through a kaleidoscope. Each character was well defined.The rakshasas were not disfigured ogres; Mareech and Subahu were men of knowledge, Taraka was a beautiful learned asura queen. Ravana was a larger than life person. A flamboyant charmer with good looks, a scholar of Vedas, Upanishads, tantravidya, astrology and occult sciences and could play the rudraveena; Kumbha was the huge lumbering giant with an even larger heart, the most sensible and humble of all the siblings; Vibhushan was all brains with no spine, his knowledge restricted to the books and not to life

I enjoyed reading the book. It made the epic look more interesting and dynamic. The dormant characters suddenly were drawn out in flesh and blood and appeared real. It’s in short a woman’s struggle to seek justice for the wrongs done to her, or so she thought. Her suppressed anger, indestructible prejudices and relentless pursuit of justice make up the core of the narration.

Recommend read it at least once for its refreshing perspective.      

2013

2013

Another day comes to an end..another chapter added to our lives..another set of experiences which has enriched our existence!! I prefer to look at the year end like this. Not with a long sigh and alarm at the passing time. If the time hadn't passed we wouldn't have lived it, would we? The only way I can explain the year zooming past me this year is that I had my hands full. There was so much to do, so much to achieve, so much to give and so much to receive. This year has been special because I met with so many people, some of whom I hadn't met for many years. It was wonderful. Its been an eventful year with its share of ups and downs, unexpected twists and turns, hurts and healing hugs. In short its been wholesome. No complaints, no regrets.

The other day I met an old friend of mine. We had first met when we were both on the threshold of starting new and life altering phases of our individual lives. Our paths crossed and the connection was made. The naivety of our thoughts about life at that point of time forged a bond that has withstood the test of time. Our lives got busy with the grinds of home and family and we got lost in the maze of our own lives. We met several times over the years, with the growing brood in tow. It was fun to say the least. We met again now after several years with the kids grown up and individuals in their own rights, with their own minds and opinions. What struck me most was not how much the kids had grown but how much had happened since that first chance meeting. The connection was still there. The affection was still there. Then what was missing because something was missing for sure. As we all sat down sharing a hot cup of tea and heart warming conversations, I looked at her intently. It suddenly dawned on me. What was missing was the way we looked at life. It was no longer a beautiful love story, a la one of the Disney princess stories. We had experienced life in its various forms and flavours. Our experiences had taught us to relish each moment as it is and make the best of it. From giggly young girls we had become women.

This one unsuspecting meeting modified the way I started looking at the approaching year end. Each year is like a new chapter of our lives. The people and events in it enrich it in their own ways. What's life without its ups and downs? I loved every moment of the time spent last year. I look forward to the coming year like a child waiting for her Christmas gift. I feel blessed to be surrounded by the people I love. If my family has given meaning and purpose to my existence then my friends have made it worthwhile. So...three cheers to life..let the party begin!